


Kabuto goes to CVS

by viva_la_sarah



Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: Angst, CVS Pharmacy, Crack, M/M, Other, kabuto got that lean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 05:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viva_la_sarah/pseuds/viva_la_sarah
Summary: Orochimaru runs out of medicine so kabuto has to go to CVS.





	1. Looking for the cough syrup

.     Kabuto Yakushi considered himself the _only_ irreplaceable henchman Orochimaru ever had. He was the only medical ninja worth his salt (besides The _Legendary_ _Sanin_ _Tsunade_ ) and his spy work was of course nothing to sneeze at. He was especially needed at times like this when Orochimary wasn’t feeling too well. It had been worse in the past so Kabuto wasn’t feeling too alarmed when Orochimaru was due for a new vessel. It was exactly why he had been putting up with the Uchiha for as many years as he had. Kabuto thought about all this as he made his way down the hall towards his master’s lair, passing the Uchiha’s room baiting some obscene music. Kabuto didn’t even have **electricity** in his room. He had no idea why Sasuke was treated to such luxury. 

     Kabuto made his way into Orochimaru’s room. He was greeted with a god-awful cough and a even more gravely than usual “Kabuto, do something about this cough, I can’t be looking weak in front of the Uchiha boy”  “Well that certainly could be solved with some cough syrup you have in your bathroom, but I’ll serve it to you Orochimaru-sama” Kabuto replied snarkily.   

     Before Orochimaru could reply, Kabuto went into the bathroom searching through the medicine cabinet. The bottle of Delsym™️ Kabuto bought last week was nowhere to be found. “ _The Uchiha brat must be chugging it for sweet dreams again”_ Kabuto thought as he glanced at the dōTerra essential oil diffuser.

     Kabuto then got the bright idea to empty the contents of the diffuser in the Dixie cups originally meant for mouthwash and Orochimaru-Sama would be none the wiser. Kabuto didn’t follow through with this though. After all, he had done that last week.


	2. Going to cvs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kabuto realizes he’s gonna have to go to cvs

     Kabuto came out of the bathroom. “Well Orochimaru-Sama, looks like we are out of cough syrup, I wonder what happened to it” he said with a smug grin. Orochimaru looked like he was going to scoff, but then his face lightened up as he said “well you can go buy more. There’s $5 in my bag.” 

    The medical-spy nin got the $5 and headed out of Orochimaru’s room. He headed down the hall, past Sasuke’s room that was now blasting _Day_ _N Nite_ for the entire compound to hear, past his own room with no electricity, past the spare bedroom that **does** have electricity, and past the booby traps to the entrance of the cave. He flinched at the bright sun bouncing off his Harry Potter ass glasses Sasuke teased him for every chance he got. Then he began to walk to the nearest pharmacy. CVS Pharmacy.

     The CVS Pharmacy was only about a 15 minute walk away from the cave. The light gleamed off Kabuto’s glasses as he looked at the sign. Then he walked in. The first thing he saw was a sale on Sally Hansen nail polish™️, The second thing he saw was Deidara


	3. Deidara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kabuto runs into Deidara harassing employees.

     “I can’t believe you don’t have my favorite Herbal Essences™️ conditioner hmm!” Deidara yelled at the stock lady. Kabuto stared as he saw this until the huffy blonde Akatsuki member looked his way. “What are you staring at hmm? Wait, aren’t you that four eyes working for Orochimaru?” Deidara asked, super fucking confused. 

     “I’m just passing through, I don’t want any trouble rea—“ Kabuto was cut off as deidara sent one of his bombs out in the shape of a bird, Kabuto activated his chakra scalpels and leaped over it slashing at Deidara, Deidara rolled to the side as his hand chewed more clay, ready to send it out. The conditioner aisle went toppling over as Deidara yelled “Katsu!” and made a small clay bird explode. The CVS was now on fire. Smoke was everywhere. Kabuto used this opportunity to dash into the pharmacy that was now abandoned. He grabbed some prescription strength cough syrup that contained codeine for Orochimaru and ran out the emergency exit. He could hear a distant “KATSU!” as he ran out, the buildings entire front window was blown out. 

     Kabuto made sure no one was following him as he made his way back to the cave. He could still see the burning CVS in the distance. He shrugged and made his way to Orochimaru’s room. Passing Sasuke’s room Kabuto realized that the song blasting was the same song from earlier, and that he didn’t spend a penny of the $5 that was now his. Orochimaru sama would be none the wiser.  

     As Kabuto entered the room Orochimaru stretched his tounge out and took the bottle out of Kabuto’s hand. The medic nin was a little shocked but it happens. Orochimaru then proceeded to unhinge his jaw and swallow the entire bottle. Kabuto leaned against the doorway seductively pushing up his glasses. “Well, looks like someone was desperate” he said in his normal condescending tone. “Yes, I feel better already, a bit tired though.. I..” Orochimaru mumbled as he passed out because he consumed the entire bottle of codeine cough syrup. Kabuto’s mission was done. He took the rest of the day to polish his metal scalpels.  

**The End!**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Komaeda goes to CVS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17651909) by [deitsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deitsuki/pseuds/deitsuki)




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